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Written April 2020

Because I like being alone, it is easy to tip over into loneliness.

For a long time I ran away from that loneliness. Most of us do.

It’s not our faults. Not directly. We evolved to function in small groups. To be around one another all day. Touching, talking.

Here we are, our worlds fitting neatly in our palms, thinking a digital interface is a substitute for desire designed over thousands of years of evolution. Imagine expecting a Lioness to be okay connecting with her pride only through FaceTime.

Here we are, though, and it’s not a choice anymore.

How I envy you if you’re with a partner or family! Maybe you envy me, with my freedom of no major responsibility.

But this is not for you.

This if for the me’s. The single folks staring at the long barrel of no warm caress for months. (Or maybe you finally met somebody your heart sings for and he lives 6000 miles away). The solo dwelling city lovers who banked on local establishments to add color to their lives. (Or maybe you finally moved in with a best friend only to have her leave after a week to help her family). Anyone separated by long distances from parents, siblings, and other loved ones. (Or maybe your immediate family lives 45 minutes away from you but your father is in the high risk category for this disease and you are terrified to interact with your parents in case you unwittingly infect them).

Or maybe you have all your people near by, and still, that loneliness is there, because for you constant connection with a wide variety of people is the norm.

I guess, whatever, this is for everyone.

What is this?

This is loneliness.

If you read this far and thought this is a manifesto on overcoming it, let me disabuse you of that notion.

This is what it is. We can manage it as best as we can. There is no escape, only surrender. If you’re anything like me some days will feel marvelous, like you finally have boundless time. Other days you will wake up and feel the longing for people so acutely in your body you can’t even relax enough to cry.

Instead you write an Instagram post, because what else is there to do?

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Wave that white flag high, my friends. If you’re lonely, at least you’re not alone.

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